Last week, I wrote a long article unpacking my take on manifestation. I offered examples to illustrate how you can use the power of your thoughts to start attracting the things, opportunities, and people you want. I also described how I have managed to make some of my biggest dreams come true by combining manifestation with an attitude of action-taking. This week, let's look at how manifestation can also play a part in attracting the things you don't want. You see, there's a flip side to this: when you hold self-limiting beliefs, and imagine futures in which you are unhappy and struggling, such negative thoughts can shape your reality just as much as the positive beliefs and thoughts I wrote about last week.
Let's look at the same examples from last week again, but this time from the 'flip side':
Let's say I hold this belief about 'work' having to be this unpleasant activity I engage in to make a living. I may think that a career is something I construct around the things I dislike doing, but have no choice but doing because that's what 'work' is supposed to feel like. I may secretly have a desire to be a magician instead of my current job, but I dismiss the whole idea as childish, immature, and unrealistic. I can't even picture being a magician as my profession, because 'work' isn't supposed to be fun. That's what 'free time' is for, after all. I can't picture my career any other way, and so I remain stuck with the job I dislike. Example 2:
Let's say I feel insecure about what I can offer a partner in romantic relationships. I may believe that I am not worthy of love, that I don't deserve someone who takes good care of me, and that I could never do better than the minimal-effort person I typically date. Chances are that this low self-esteem will attract the type of person that may take advantage of my insecurities, and become a dominating or even abusive partner. Because I don't believe I deserve better, and because my self-worth is so tied in with this person's validation of me, I may be delayed in leaving this relationship, or never end it at all. Example 3:
Let's say I grew up with ideas about money as a scarcity, as something that runs out quickly, as something burdensome and scary, as something that is difficult to manage and quick to vanish. I may think I am not capable of being financially independent, or think I am not worthy of earning more. Consequently, I may never ask for any raises, or never start that side-business, or take time to learn about saving strategies, which causes me to limit my own income, and which supports my belief I have to constantly struggle to get by.
It's not your fault...
What is important to point out here is that experiencing any of such situations is not your own fault. Victim blaming is categorically wrong at all levels, in my opinion. And we are typically so quick to blame ourselves for unhealthy situations we ended up in. So let's be careful here. What we can do however, from our own inner strength, is to start working towards a place where we can take responsibility for the realities we co-create, through our beliefs, thoughts, and actions. Learning to understand just how much power you really have is a fundamental part of any self-development journey. It is incredibly empowering to accept responsibility for your own happiness. It helps you feel in charge of yourself and your story. I am writing about the above examples from a place of lived experience. Because I wasn't always the confident, joyful person I am today. Quite the opposite: I've gone through phases where my self-worth was severely damaged. I've felt scared and insecure about my ability to build a fulfilling career; I've experienced abusive relationship dynamics; and I've had to work through major money mindset blocks. I know what it's like to feel worthless, and to deeply doubt whether the future would ever look less gloomy than my present at the time. Again, it can be so tempting to start blaming yourself. And to think: 'Oh, I should have never started a relationship with this toxic person', or 'Well, what was I thinking when I accepted that job offer way below my level of expertise. It's my own foolish fault, my own stupid mistake!'.
Trust me, I've been there too. Boy, was I hard on myself for most of my life. But there is another way. And that way starts with empathy. For yourself, and for what you've been through. What follows is the inner work: to look at how you've ended up where you are, what beliefs and thoughts have led you there, and how your actions (or non-actions) have co-created that reality. Once you start to uncover the limiting self-beliefs that held you back for so long, you can start to question them, poke at them, destabilize them. Slowly but steadily, you can start to nourish yourself with empowering self-beliefs, so that you can build back a much stronger self-esteem and a trust in yourself and your right to be happy. Here's where you start to see amazing transformations, because now you can begin to understand just how much power you have within yourself to create the life you want to live. You can begin to intentionally harness the power of manifestation, and
accompany it with an attitude of action-taking, to switch your life around and attract the things, people, and opportunities you truly want in your life.
Expect the unexpected
I hope at this point it goes without saying that this is what coaching is for. Because it's so damn hard to do this work on your own. When your waist-deep into self-limiting beliefs, those are your reality. That's your world view. It's just how it is. Thank god you don't actually have to do this work on your own. A good coach is there to challenge your beliefs and views, mess with your thinking, expertly identify mindset blocks, and help you trace them to their origin, to understand patterns in your actions and behavior. And that coach can then also push you out of your comfort zone, and help you do the work necessary in order to start creating realities that are much more empowering and inspiring.
I will never shut up about the power of coaching because to me it's the most miraculous thing in the world. I've conducted hundreds of conversations over the past few years, and never once has a client left a session without valuable insights and a shifted perspective. It's like magic... Except it's not. It still wows me every time, and fills me with deep respect for the work I do.
During one of my recent podcast coaching sessions, the person being coached received a ton of insights around topics she hadn't planned for. Afterwards, she said: 'Wow, I didn't expect that to happen!'. I replied: 'I never expect anything anymore, except for one thing that is sure to happen in my sessions: the unexpected'.
If you're committed to doing the work I described above, to start creating the life of your dreams, then I invite you to consider 1-1 coaching. Nothing beats the impact of this high-level, tailored, consistent support.
Take it from one of my clients, Lotte van Lith, who states that "working with Simone opens the doors to your desires, vision, and possibilities. ‘What a joy it is to be alive!’ Is what my heart told me afterwards."